The Fact That I Don’t Sneeze Like a Lady

It’s very embarrassing, but no matter how hard I try, I can never put a handle on my sneezes.

That tickly, achy feeling of a sneezing rising in your throat? For me, that is the feeling of unpredictability. I do not know what noise (or detritus) will be forcefully expelled from my nose and mouth. I do not sneeze. Sneezes expel themselves from my weak and submissive body.

This would all be OK if I were male. Unfortunately, ladies are supposed to sneeze like small dogs. Daintily, unobtrusively and without requiring a wad of tissues. If you’re a man, you can sneeze however which way you like. You may trumpet, snort, honk, or holler. I have a friend who brings a lecture hall to a grinding halt every time he sneezes. But hey, it’s OK. Because he’s not a lady.

I blame it on genes. My dad’s sneezes involve falling backwards onto a couch or bed and kicking his legs up into the air (sorry Dad, I hope you don’t read my blog). I guess I’ll never be a lady, and I’ll always have to carry a pile of tissues around in my handbag to shield unsuspecting coffee dates/fellow train passengers/preoccupied pedestrians from my circle of destruction.

I apologise in advance.

Advertisements

8 comments

  1. you’re not alone, I always have massive sneezes too. if you don’t have tissues you can always turn away, turn to the floor, or into your sleeves haha. I wonder if you can even learn to alter the sound of your sneeze!

    Like

    1. Hahaha I’ve definitely tried, to no success…by the way Winnie, I can’t seem to post any comments on your blog? It keeps asking me to put in a code and there’s no box to enter it into.

      Like

      1. that’s strange, I think someone else might have told me the same thing awhile ago. maybe it depends what browser you use? I changed the settings for now to get rid of the word verification

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s